When Perfectionism Dominates Your Life
You might not call yourself a perfectionist.
You just like things done properly. You don’t half-ass. You triple-check. You stay on top of it. You get sh*t done.
But if you're honest, it’s not always about doing your best.
A lot of the time, it’s about not messing up.
It’s about the pressure that kicks in before you even start. The voice that says, “You better not screw this up.”
You’re not "trying to be perfect".
You’re desperate not to feel like a failure.
What Perfectionism Actually Looks Like
Perfectionism in men doesn’t always look like neat to-do lists and color-coded plans.
Sometimes it looks like:
Putting things off because you’re scared you won’t do them “right”
Burning yourself out at work because “resting” feels lazy
Getting irritated over small mistakes, even when no one else notices
Avoiding stuff you might be bad at — because it’s easier than risking embarrassment
Feeling like if you're not useful, you're not worth much
You might not even realize you’re doing it. You just know that pressure’s always humming in the background.
Where It Comes From
Maybe you grew up in a house where screwing up wasn’t an option.
Maybe the only time you got praise was when you achieved something.
Maybe no one ever told you you were enough — unless you were winning, fixing, or performing.
So now, you're always reaching for that feeling.
You feel guilty slowing down. You second-guess yourself when things get quiet. You feel like if you stop performing at the unrealistic standard you hold yourself too, you’ll be seen as weak, or a failure.
So What’s the Alternative?
It's not about lowering your standards, or giving up.
Just… stepping out of the trap.
Choosing to value yourself even when things aren’t perfect.
Trying something just to enjoy the process.
Letting a task be “done” instead of flawless.
Telling someone you don’t have the answer yet.
Taking a break before you crash.
Quick Tips for Letting Go of the Pressure
Schedule guilt-free rest – You’re allowed to rest without earning it.
Do one thing just for fun – Not for progress. Not for improvement. Just because.
Let someone in – Talk to a friend or therapist about what the pressure feels like, and to unpack your beliefs around this perfectionistic tendency.
One Last Thing
Perfectionism probably got you far. But now it's keeping you stuck.
Stuck in overthinking.
Stuck in resentment.
Stuck in a loop where your worth is always just one step ahead of you. Always just out of reach.
You’re allowed to drop the pressure.
You’re allowed to be enough, even when the work’s unfinished.
And if you don’t know how to do that? That’s where therapy comes in.
Not to "fix" you.
To help you stop chasing “perfect” and start feeling enough as you are. That's where freedom lives.
